The blues...

When we started our journey of trying to get pregnant I thought it would be easy and seamless. I figured the first or second time without protection would be it for us. You see it happen all of the time out there, young careless people getting pregnant without even trying. And here you are charting every single little change within your body with hopes of two pink lines. It makes it almost impossible to be happy for those around you who are expecting, simply because you want it so damn bad you don’t know what to do with yourself. Then after awhile of trying to decided to go visit the OB/GYN to make sure your lady parts are working properly...and you find out they aren’tL Despite that stupid little smiley face on that pee stick. How could that smiley face had made you so damn happy months before, and now you’re being told “Your progesterone is at 1.1”… because you have NO idea what the range of progesterone is supposed to be so you sit there looking pretty and hope he tells you everything is OK. It isn’t. You’re not ovulating. And it sucks. So, you’re prescribed Clomid to help make you ovulate…with a possibility of TWINS. At this point you’re good with twins…in fact you’re thinking…give me anything…I’ll take anything at this point!!!*sigh* The day you get your period before starting the Clomid for the first time is probably the happiest day you’ve had in a long time. You know that this 5-day round of this pill may be it for you. This could be all you’ve been waiting for here in these little round pills. Even the fact of going on vacation in a few days doesn’t phase me. I’ve got too darn much going on with my body and in my head I am not even focused on this trip. “Be patient, your time will come” turns into curse words in your book and you want to slap the next person who says it…especially those who “accidently” became pregnant and already have children. I’m not bitter. I’m not unhappy. I’m heart broken. I’m empty. I’m pissed. I know what I want and I have worked very hard trying to do all of the “right things” with my life and I am waiting for the next step…impatiently.  I know I probably have no room to talk…we’ve been trying for such a short amount of time compared to some of those couples out there. But we’re all in the same boat. We all yearn for fulfillment. Is that too much to ask for?

The big NO..:(

Yesterday was the appointment to give me the results of the lab work from last week. It wasn’t perfect news…apparently I do not ovulate. I am bummed, but I do feel better to know that I can get on some meds and we can hopefully still get pregnantJ I will be taking Clomid on days 5-9 of my cycle and will have to go back to the Dr on day 21 and get my blood drawn and have results the following week. The idea is that I will ovulate and my progesterone levels will be up past the whopping 1.1 I was at this cycle. Clomid does have one teeny weensy little side effect….TWINS!!! Of course, it makes me nervous to think about twins…but to have the chance to have a baby I’ll take the twinsJ

                We will be leaving on Tuesday for vacation and so I hope our time away relaxing with no worries in the world will bring us baby news :)

Baby dust my way:)